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There ain't so many "what ifs" in life

Control


Getting shit together and losing it


Overestimated



I am sorry


Okay



It's okay. If I repeat 100, 1000 or 10000 times, probably it will be okay.

Emptiness


It is going to be like this from now on yea?


Better


I am better, that's what I remind myself everyday. 








How am I doing? 

Are there even people reading my blog?

Well, I guess I am better now, or at least that is what I am trying to constantly instil into myself. I do still think and get sad about it from time to time, like the moment before I fall asleep and the moment when I opened my eyes in the morning. Usually it is still the first thing and last thing in my mind each day. 

So much conflicting emotions and thoughts. The things I should be telling myself vs the real feelings I'm having. Anger vs sadness. Forgetting vs missing. Lesson learnt vs forgiving. 

Are you happy now, with everything you want falling into places in your life?

I should be happy because you're happy. But I shouldn't be happy cos you destroyed me to get your happiness. You've got everything you want now, leaving me with nothing. 

Teach me how to move on as you seem to do.

P.S (updated at 424am) - Teach me also how to forget about all the feelings in one night. The one night that you decide to turn against me. Or was there even real feelings in the first place.



Soulless


I feel like a human being without soul. 
Because when you made the decision, you've also decided to crush my soul. 

Unlike you, I really meant everything I said. 
That includes the night when I drunk talk "I will die if you leave me".
I guess you think that was a joke, and now challenging me. 

Chapter



You just want attention, 
You don't want my heart


Lagged


I hope its different by the time you see this...


Balinese



Any beach place for recommendation please?


Weekend



What is your ideal weekend?