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I was a Fool



"Build a fort out of sheets"








So here is the story.

The truth of exchange, besides all the fun, craziness, freedom and traveling, there will be times that you feel, lonely. 

I personally do not think that this feeling is homesickness. I do miss home, I miss my family, my friends and all the food, but not to the extent where I will cry in my bed and wish I can be teleported back on the instant. On the contrary, I really wish that time can slow down, and let me really take in all these experiences with me. Its too fast, some people are leaving in 2 months time, and I have less than 3 months time left, although I haven't confirm the exact date of coming back. Doing something crazy for my 21st on the other side of the world or go back and celebrate it with my loved ones?

However, sometimes, some days, I will just feel so lonely. At that instant I may be surrounded with friends, or people, but I do feel lonely. I feel that on a certain level, no one here knows who I really am.  You know how everyone is like a total different person during exchange, far from home thus doing all kind of stupid shit, that's how I see it. At least that's what I feel I am doing now. Sometimes, I see my reflection, and for a split second I do not recognise that person anymore. Especially when I am drunk/high/crazy. 

I know I cannot compare this, as most of the people I get to know here, I only know them for like 3 months, while back home, those of my closest friends have been there since I was like 10 years old.  However, the bunch of NUS delegates I met in Brussels, just 1 week, we can already be such good friends. Thus, I can't help by wonder why are the relationship/friendship here so superficial.

This road of exchange, it has really been a test of faith in humanity. Along the way, I have seen the worst of mankind; cheating, unfaithfulness, lust, greed, lies, betrayal... I start to doubt my own principles and stands. I fear that I might fall into this influential trap. I have realise how easily I can be persuaded and influenced. 

I am still having fun, and enjoying my time here. Given a choice, I will want to teleport all of my favourite things and people from Singapore over and we can live here happily ever after. I really miss you. 

 All I am saying is that, I really need to regain some faith and I would need a lot of self-constraint. 

I hope whoever that is reading this, to this point, please do not think I have committed some major crime like stealing or murdering. It is still not that crazy.




P.S This is what a good breakfast, good weather, with a good playlist does to me, all emotional and sensitive, but just right for a new blog post. 



"Come back home~~ Come baby baby come come~"   -2NE1/Chairs :p