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I am still not satisfied




I know I haven't update for a while, I feel like I've reached a bottleneck of not being able to generate new and better contents. I have been blogging for a few years now, of course looking back, I can be proud to say I have make great improvements in my photography skills. However, I also feel that for a good blogger, she would have made it by now. By that I mean they would have at least 5 digits followers, monthly viewerships, great collaboration opportunity with brands. At least those are the standards of a successful blogger to me. Yet, I have not reached any of them. This is demoralising and of all the life changes happening around, it feels hard to continue to grasp on something that is not exactly rewarding. 

I do enjoy blogging and photographing, but I can't help to wonder what's wrong and what's the abracadabra that I am missing here. 

For my 23rd birthday is in 2 days time and graduating ceremony in 2 weeks time, I'm starting to get a little emotional again. Coming so far, it feels like its the end of the race. Since young, people expect you to study hard to get to a good school, all so to land a good job. And now, I have completed all those, so what? What's next? 

It is a good job indeed, so I am just gonna report to work at 9am and leave at 7pm for the rest of my life? 

I feel this should not be it. Like most others, I have been told to have a good life is to study hard and have a good job. I have also been achieving one goal after another. But, now, I feel as empty as when I was jobless. Kind of a de ja vu when I first got into university, like finally achieved a goal, and then you're lost. 

I am not satisfied of the current, I crave for more. I can't wait to achieve the next goal.

I also need to figure out what the next goal is, what I really want in life. 

I will never be as young as the current moment, and I really want to do as much as I can when I still can. 


P.S I really regret not taking my time to explore after graduation, that I was afraid to say no in a lot of matters which seem so insignificant now. Advice to my younger self: Take your time, do what you want and live the way you want. Don't let anyone or the society to structure your life. 


Happy graduation.