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Last night in Barcelona, 2am with 75% tipsy, I went for a walk alone when Dixin is bathing. I wanted to write the post by the plaza but I couldn’t find it lol, maybe I’m more than 75% tipsy. 

This trip is fruitful I must say. It’s not jam packed with activities, mainly cos it’s my third time here in Barcelona. But that also means, I have enough time to be quiet, to think and to reflect. 

In Mallorca, we spent one day chilling by one of the prettiest beach I have been in. On hindsight, I realised while looking at this beautiful scenery, you’re not the person that came in mind that I want to share it with. At that moment, I know I’ve moved on. And I’m definitely not those girls that will still wish their ex on their birthday. When I moved on, you’re considered nobody to me. Less than even a stranger. 

In Barcelona, Picasso Museum, standing in front of the art pieces, I suddenly remembered my ex. The handsomemost ex. (Friends asked me what happened to that French standard, it should have just got better from there.) He taught/told me how he look at art pieces in the Lourve Museum, standing in front of art pieces for hours, looking at the strokes of paint, the layers of colors, trying to understand how the artist did it. Today, I find myself looking at those details in the Picasso Museum. I guess indeed everyone enter your life for a reason. Every ex must have taught me something. 

In Barcelona, I fall in love with Picasso this time. I love how funky, cute, colorful his art is. Looking at his early painting, how in his arts where the women were serving, waiting and depending on men. I realised I don’t want to be that kind of woman. If it’s not worth it, let’s not waste time. Again, it confirmed my realization in Mallorca. I’ve moved on. 

In the bar, playing all the same music that was also playing 4 years ago during my exchange in Netherlands. I realised, I was a free soul then. I have the same strong emotions, I cried hard, I laughed hard. But I never stopped for anyone. That was me. What happened. That’s me. 

Nett nett (lol), this trip is fruitful because I finally have some time to breathe and think, for myself. On what I want, on what I feel, on what I’ve learnt. People do come into your life for various reasons, I’ve learnt my lesson on how I can do better (not on how things could have been better, note the difference of focusing on myself). I can’t guarantee I won’t make the same mistakes (knowing from my past records), but I do see now what I blinded by before. I want to stop playing victim, I never does that when I was younger and why did I start this time. I’m so done with the 2018 Xinyi. 2014 Xinyi or any other year Xinyi could have done better. It’s really time to start a new chapter.

2018, I learnt that somethings are better left unknown. Feelings can be strong but don’t mean that they need to be expressed everyone. 2018, I learnt that it’s good to know what I am feeling, but it is also important to do reality checkz 2018, I reconfirmed that my instinct is always right and I should trust them more. 2018, I learnt that some people are just asshole, everything can be told from the first reaction. If nothing is said, no concern is showed in time of crisis (such as last week in Shanghai), that’s most probably the real feeling. Whatever happened to make you show a bit of concern, those are just made up of. 

2019, I wish to write more, think more, live more.

It’s like 2 months early for new year resolution, but I think I’m ready for a brand new start. 

So good riddance, I’ve moved on.